Let’s not offend

Beyond the binary asks, "Is it possible to meet or interact with someone without performing a gender attribution? Have you ever done so?" (Dea, 2016, pg. 34).

This is a question I initially glossed over because I thought, 'Yes, I’m guilty.' In the past, I have seen a hairstyle and assumed gender. I have since learned that assuming in any situation is grounds for disaster. In The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, Don Jose Ruiz, and Janet Mills, the third agreement, "Don't Make Assumptions," advises against believing things to be true without evidence. This practice can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and unnecessary suffering. By avoiding assumptions, individuals can foster clearer communication, manage their emotions more effectively, and live with greater personal freedom. If we don’t make assumptions, we can focus our attention on the truth, not on what we think is the truth. Then we see life as it is, not as we want to see it. For example, we could initiate by saying, "My name is [Your Name] and my pronouns are [Your Pronouns]," which often creates an opening for them to share their own. Gender is personal, so I would advocate for allowing people to tell us what they want us to know.

Another idea that comes to mind, rooted in Buddhist philosophy but echoed in other traditions, is that of non-attachment and equanimity. We can cultivate compassion and understanding: when we are less fixated on expectations, it becomes possible to be more open and empathetic toward others. Equanimity fosters healthy and compassionate relationships by allowing connection with others without being swayed by personal preferences or biases. The core idea is to avoid rigid labeling. For example, instead of "I’m a runner," we could say, "I am sometimes a runner." This acknowledges the dynamic and ever-changing nature of existence.